My nipple is on Facebook.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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