apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So here I am, sexting at work.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
