She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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