Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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