sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
