True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
