i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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