you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
