It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
