I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
