if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Barsexuality is the new black.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
