apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
