fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
