There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
