I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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