I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
