Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dude i'm inner monologue high
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
