ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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