i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
