so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
