guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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