Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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