My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
