The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
