I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
