So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize