this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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