It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
