Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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