TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
