i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
