I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
