do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
