Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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