Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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