he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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