you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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