Your dad touched me again.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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