im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I came so hard my ears popped.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize