What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
