i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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