Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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