i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i came on her dog
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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