I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
