She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
