I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
