My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
