My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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