I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
