Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize