Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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