My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
