My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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