i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He shit in the fireplace
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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