I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
