I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Did I show you my penis last night?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
