You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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