mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize