i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
